I’ve been thinking over the past while that there is always this build up to a birth as a new dad… There’s going to be a whole bunch happening soon (not too soon!) which you basically know nothing about. New mothers, on the other hand, seem to know pretty much what to do either from an innate 7th or 8th sense (mumsense?) or from actually paying attention when others have had babies around them and they’ve actually helped out rather than the male who has to live up to the stereotype and go work on his car whilst drinking beer, smoking cigars and complimenting his mahogany humidor or something of similar masculine attraction. These new dads then get dropped in it, learning new skills as they go, hoping like hell they’re doing the right thing with this brand new pink screaming thing they’ve just bought home from the hospital.

I was lucky (if you can call it that!) in that over our weeks at the hospital we got a gentle introduction to parenthood and the ins and outs associated. I still had a lot of time before the birth to mull over all the scary things that were coming up and expand them in my head to something they’re really not… Things like changing nappies, burping, etc.

So I thought I’d write up a couple of things I’ve learned from the experience of having two ravenous boys at home with the hope of providing a couple of expecting dads who read this a “dads eye view” – myths, tips, thoughts, that sort of stuff. No guarantees it will be technically “right”, but it’ll be Jack and Alex tested and generally approved

To kick off, the big one… Diapers/nappies…

It’s funny, I think that this is one of those things that are blown up to be bigger stories than they actually are. Yes, you will have to deal with some explosions, poop up the back, hairy leakers, dirty lurkers, and some smell like something died down there, but the vast majority of diaper changes are fast, easy, and with minimal fuss. The kid will scream his ass off sometimes and there’s nothing you can do about it (most of the time) as I think they think it’s a bit of an affront to their dignity having someone wrestle with their nether regions… Either that or you didn’t burp them well enough last time and it’s when they lay down (at least with our boys) that they seem to get affected by gas the most.

Really, the learning curve with diapers is gradual, as you’ll spend the first couple of days waiting for the first poop, the merconium, to come. That’s a black sticky mass that looks very like tar, and it’s quite a momentous occasion when it comes – woo hoo, babies bodily functions are working as they should! Then there’ll be a period of not much, and then you’ll get into changes proper, so you get a couple of days of dry runs before the main series of events hit.

To actually change the little fella is reasonably simple too, you just gotta be on your toes. We were taught at the hospital that you should slip the new diaper under their butt and make it ready, laying out flat, before you even start to remove the old diaper. This will help to catch the majority of any accidents that may happen during the change. Whip off with the old diaper, give the butt a good clean with the wipes you prepared earlier, strap the other one on, and you’re ready to rock again. Alex has developed a bit of a habit of piddling when I’m focused elsewhere, like leaning over to get a wipe, and it’s not till I’m partway through the next stage that I notice there’s quite a lot of dampness going on… If you get a girl(s?) then that’s not such a problem they say your supposed to put a tissue across, but who’s got time for that?! Oh, and the other tip on diapering, don’t step away from the baby, as there is a chance they may roll off wherever you have them, and you don’t want that.

Holding the baby
Our boys are cuddle monkeys, but the theory stays the same. Remember how parents always seem to hold babies in their arms in the cradle pose in films and tv shows? That’s not actually that comfortable I found, but it’s the one that folks who haven’t held babies much before seem to automatically go for. I usually make sure I’ve got one hand (my right) cupping the butt area with my hand a fair way up their backs, and my left will be supporting their shoulders with the top of my pointing finger supporting the base of their neck and their arm between my middle fingers (make a star trek sign!). This way you can have them on your chest (our babies love that!) or hold them away from you to check on them. It’s just one hold of many, and I’m sure as they get bigger it’ll be more difficult, but it’s always my first port of call.